Wow. It's crazy how life gets so complicated so fast. One day everything seems fairly nice, going smoothly, you seem unstoppable, or at least pretty strong. And then BAM. Everything changes. I know change is supposed to be good, but sometimes it's hard to see the bigger picture when you are so focused on the here and now.
Complication-to make complex, intricate, involved, or difficult.
Difficult??? I don't want things to be difficult. I don't want my life to be complicated. I want to have fun. I want to be a crazy college freshman, my only worries being whether or not I'm going to fail my physics class (which is looking like a definite yes). Things are not supposed to be complicated for a very very long while. Part of me wished that things were different. But I have this situation and I'm not willing to change. Does that make me selfish or just self destructive? I don't know. I guess I'm both. I mean, I keep coming back to this same situation. I've done this before and it didn't end well. So what makes me think that this time will be different? How am I not going to end up broken again?
I don't know. Everything is so unanswered. I have no answers. I just have my faith. And some good "sad" music. And chocolate. And that is a recipe for a good long cry...and maybe a few pounds in between. I guess I have to put my faith in God. I have to realize that his plan is so much bigger than me or anything I can imagine. I know things are going to work out.
Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
I guess I have to take a leap in faith. And I'm willing to do that. Because I know the prize at the end is something worth complicating my life for. Thank you Jesus for everything you will do to help me through this. Cause I know that it will not be an easy task.
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