First Dodger Game!!

It's fall!!!

Well, it's been fall for a few weeks now, but today was the first day it hasn't been ridiculously hot by 10 am. So fall starts today. And since Fall started today, it is time for a change. What? you might ask. So many things.

I guess the first thing I want to change is my approach at school and schoolwork. I missed my first class this quarter. Big whoop, I know. But I think after staying up until 6 am to write an essay, I'm allowed a little slack time. But because of my lack of prioritizing, I didn't attend class Friday, which means I didn't pick up my quiz, which means I forgot to print it out this weekend, which means I did not complete it, which means I am sitting in class with no quiz to hand in. But what's 25 points out of 1000? 2.5% I think I can manage. I have a midterm tomorrow, for which I am not even in the least bit prepared for. So that is what my day will be filled with. I might even have to miss Chuck and Heroes. Maybe.... Baby steps, right? Today looks something like this:

10-1 Class
1-3 Studying psych with Hallie
3-5 Some form of homework
5-7 Discipleship with Cherri
8-10 Chuck?????Heroes????Who knows????
10-The wee hours of the morning So much homework

Wish me luck. Don't even get me started on the coffee readings I am lacking in right now. I am definitely regretting taking 18 units this quarter. There may be a possible drop in my future. We shall see. It's easy to say, "Jessica, you just need to be more disciplined. Maybe instead of hanging out with your friends, do some reading." Haha. I just can't seem to do that. So this fall, I am changing that. I will be more disciplined. I will plan better. I will never ever ever forget to do a quiz!

I've always prided myself on the ability I have to stand up for myself and for others. It took 18 years of life for me to come to that point, but I did it. And now, I have lost my backbone. And I can't seem to find it. When it comes to my family, I can't seem to say no. Which, to you, might not sound like a bad thing, but it is slowly suffocating me. I know that this is a public blog, and that some things should remain personal, so I'll be discrete. I ended my summer with a bang. In the heat of the moment, I told my mom that this was the worst summer of my life and that I couldn't wait to be back at school. And as soon as it left my mouth, I wanted to take it back. But that's the tricky thing about audibly saying things. Once it's out there, it is out there. And even though she's old, I doubt she'll forget what I said. It was a conversation that we needed to have, but I definitely went about it in the wrong way. I let so many things build up and didn't deal with it, and ended up saying things that I didn't mean. And now, I can see that pattern starting all over again. This time, not with my family. Friendship is a very peculiar thing. Your best friend should be someone that you can tell anything to, even if it's something that they don't want to hear. You should practice building each other up, letting them know that you care and are only looking out for their best interests. Sometimes you joke around, all in good fun though. And trust me, I can take a lot; 3 brothers and 6 male cousins, I got this. Everyone has their breaking point. I can see mine coming up fast. It's going to be a very grim day if and when it finally comes. So this fall, I want to find my backbone. I want to change the way I deal with my family and friends. I want to communicate my feelings. I don't want to "explode."

(I've gotten some interesting advice on this subject, some better than others, some funnier than others, some that I would never in a million years do, ever)

The thing I want to change most this Fall, and what will definitely keep me on the right track with my other changes is my relationship with God. I don't know why, but I had a very difficult summer, and a rocky first few weeks of school. You would think that I would cling to God more during this time. But I've actually been doing the opposite. I've been pushing him away. I've been trying to deal with all of my problems by myself. And, surprise! It's not working. I'm trying to remember back to the good old days of high school. I was so on fire! And now I feel so complacent. I feel like I'm just going through a routine every week. So this Fall, I want to change that. I want to be captivated. I want to love. I want to be loved. I want to have a purpose.

Demanding. I know. I wrote it. Well, now that I've thoroughly depressed you, how about a pick me up?

jesssikkkka (8:29:40 PM): hey, can you think of any sad sad sad movies?
padfoot240 (8:29:52 PM): the one I always cry in
padfoot240 (8:29:54 PM): castaway
jesssikkkka (8:30:12 PM): haha
jesssikkkka (8:30:13 PM): another
padfoot240 (8:30:33 PM): old yeller
padfoot240 (8:30:40 PM): my neighbor totoro
jesssikkkka (8:31:05 PM): ok....
jesssikkkka (8:31:21 PM): how about a sad movie that you probably wouldn't cry in, but someone like myself might
padfoot240 (8:31:47 PM): spice world
jesssikkkka (8:32:21 PM): you're gay
padfoot240 (8:32:24 PM): hahaha
padfoot240 (8:32:27 PM): that was funny
padfoot240 (8:32:30 PM): you know it was funny

For the record. I've never seen Spice World, nor do I intend to, and even if I hypothetically did watch it, I would not cry.

//Edit: I went to my first Dodger game tonight! Which means I did not do homework, study with Hallie, or meet with Cherri. Hopefully I don't fail tomorrow!!