Sweetly Broken, Wholly Surrendered

Yesterday was definitely a day for the record books. It was the first day that I've been broken in such a long time. It was the first time that I've cried at work. It was the first day where I didn't love my family as much as I should. And it was the first day this summer that I got down on my knees and prayed. All of the difficulties that have been going on in my family for the past 6 months were magnified yesterday. My eyes were opened to everything. I mean, I know everything that has been going on, but it's a completely different experience when you're in the middle of it all. My dad is in bad shape right now. He's taken enough medication to not even know the day or time. He can barely walk, let alone drive! (which he attempted the other day) He's been in bed for almost a week, and we're constantly over here checking on him, making sure he's eating and going to the bathroom. I don't have any animosity towards him. I know he's sick. But its the same sickness I've seen over and over. And I was at a point yesterday when I didn't want to care anymore.
I had to come before God last night and ask for him to give me strength to get through these next few weeks. I prayed for my family, that they would all be broken, like I was. And I had to pray for my sanity, because, trust me, it's hanging on by a thread.

I don't know what God is trying to teach me through all of this, but it's something that I can say without a doubt, that I will remember forever. I'm being stretched in ways I didn't know were possible. It's hard to even look at my parents without being overwhelmed with emotions. And I can only imagine what my mom is feeling right now. She's had to live this everyday. I've only been here for 5 weeks and I want out! It's so difficult to rely on God right now, because I feel like he hasn't been here throughout this whole situation. I just don't know if I can put faith in him when everything is so screwed up right now.

So I guess, if any prayers are being thrown my way, pray for my heart. Pray that I can love my parents. Pray that I can love and trust God. And pray that I don't give up.

Satin

My loving best friend decided to tell me what she really thought of me. Tell me if you think this is an accurate description:

"If i could choose one place in the world to spend the rest of my life, it woudl be hell, cuz i think that is where i woudl have the people the most in common with me. I love anything to do with evil, pain, suffering and horror, and satin my homeboy. For the past few years i have been dabbling around in a few satanic religions and to me wicca has struck a chord in me, and i totally given my life over to the practicing of these rituals. i hope some day to rise to power through the mastering of my religion, and teach the world the true way of suffering."

MacA-gay

Irvine :)

I miss it here. Every time I come back to Menifee, I leave a little part of me behind. I miss the weather, the people, the good times, the school, and almost everything else. What I do NOT miss, however, are the parking tickets! The $52 ones. That is something I would definitely like to leave behind when go back home.

Other than that incident, I had a great time. I think I forget how amazing everything is. And it's not because I go out and do these crazy fun things. To an outsider looking in, it might seem like we do nothing here, but that's the beauty of it all; I can have fun sitting on a friends couch watching a movie, or just talking until 2 am, or even going on a grocery shopping extravaganza. It's randomly deciding to go play basketball when it's pitch black outside. It's Laura finding certain things in the trash and deciding to take them :) It's hearing about Kevin's new computer and having no idea what he's talking about, but being slightly impressed because of his 24 inch monitor. It's having Adam's coffee and remembering how much I suck at making coffee. It's all these things that make me wish I was here for the summer. But instead, I am minutes away from leaving, and most likely getting stuck in traffic, to go back to Subway :(

I love Menifee, just the same. And I don't dislike being there. There are some pretty crazy times too. But nothing compares to waking up, making your own breakfast, and deciding what you want to do today, no obligations, no parents, no worries (except for gas)

Well, at least I'll only be away for 2 days. Wednesday=OC Fair. And I hope to see everyone there!

Insomnia : /

When was the last time you talked to your best friend?
Earlier today via aim

Have you ever been grounded? What for?
I don't think so, but it was probably for staying out too late

Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold, you can always put on more, but you can only take off so much

Ever passed out?
Nada one

Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Nope

What were you doing at 12 am?
TV and boredom

What is the last reason you cried?
Lies

Where is your cell phone?
On the floor

Who are you texting?
No one

Where did you sleep last night?
Bed/couch

Do you secretly like anyone?
Nada one

Have you done anything you regret in 2008 so far?
Fursurance

Did you have a dream last night?
Yeah, but it was so looong ago

Who was the first person you talked to today? Male or female?
Brother. I was his chauffeur

Has anyone disappointed you recently?
There was a time

Where is your father right now?
At a house

Are you a forgiving person?
Why yes

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Haha. Yeah.

Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Meh, there are times

Do you fall for people easily?
NOT desparate. No

What are you doing this weekend?
Heading to Castle Park

How has this past week been for you?
Not too good

What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
Lovely lovely phone calls

Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Not really

Did you date someone longer then 3 months this year?
Nope

What can always put you in a good mood?
Music and Friends

Is there anyone you wish you were with right now?
Uuugh. I wish I was sleeping

Do you have any piercings?
For sure

How many kids do you want to have?
Whatever God wants

What color are your eyes?
Brown

What are you doing tomorrow?
Castle Park!!

Do you know someone who likes you?
Oh love

Are you easy to get along with?
You know it

Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?
When necessary

Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
Grudges only hurt yourself

What time did you go to sleep last night?
2ish

Last thing someone said to you that pissed you off?
Too too funny

Do you talk a lot?
Bahaha yes

What was the last movie you watched?
Scary Movie 4. Ashamed to the max

What are you craving right now?
Sleeeeep

Favorite drink?
Coffee

Does the person you like know that you like them?
Pass

Whats the reason that you and ex broke up?
Life

Last time you talked to your mom?
Before bed

How is your hair?
Boring

Last time you had a sleep over? Where and with who?
A week or so ago, with my lover friend

Last time you went to church?
Last week

How is your life?
Funnn

Listening to?
OTH :)

Do you remember your dreams?
9/10

Do you consider yourself a study freak?
I was, then I wasn't

Do you speak another language other than English?
No hablo espanol, pero comprendo mucho

What did you do last night?
Boooorrred and sleep

Orange or apple juice?
Apple ftw

Do you plan on getting married anytime soon?
No

The Lining is Silver

This just made my day :)