Yesterday was definitely a day for the record books. It was the first day that I've been broken in such a long time. It was the first time that I've cried at work. It was the first day where I didn't love my family as much as I should. And it was the first day this summer that I got down on my knees and prayed. All of the difficulties that have been going on in my family for the past 6 months were magnified yesterday. My eyes were opened to everything. I mean, I know everything that has been going on, but it's a completely different experience when you're in the middle of it all. My dad is in bad shape right now. He's taken enough medication to not even know the day or time. He can barely walk, let alone drive! (which he attempted the other day) He's been in bed for almost a week, and we're constantly over here checking on him, making sure he's eating and going to the bathroom. I don't have any animosity towards him. I know he's sick. But its the same sickness I've seen over and over. And I was at a point yesterday when I didn't want to care anymore.
I had to come before God last night and ask for him to give me strength to get through these next few weeks. I prayed for my family, that they would all be broken, like I was. And I had to pray for my sanity, because, trust me, it's hanging on by a thread.
I don't know what God is trying to teach me through all of this, but it's something that I can say without a doubt, that I will remember forever. I'm being stretched in ways I didn't know were possible. It's hard to even look at my parents without being overwhelmed with emotions. And I can only imagine what my mom is feeling right now. She's had to live this everyday. I've only been here for 5 weeks and I want out! It's so difficult to rely on God right now, because I feel like he hasn't been here throughout this whole situation. I just don't know if I can put faith in him when everything is so screwed up right now.
So I guess, if any prayers are being thrown my way, pray for my heart. Pray that I can love my parents. Pray that I can love and trust God. And pray that I don't give up.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Satin
My loving best friend decided to tell me what she really thought of me. Tell me if you think this is an accurate description:
"If i could choose one place in the world to spend the rest of my life, it woudl be hell, cuz i think that is where i woudl have the people the most in common with me. I love anything to do with evil, pain, suffering and horror, and satin my homeboy. For the past few years i have been dabbling around in a few satanic religions and to me wicca has struck a chord in me, and i totally given my life over to the practicing of these rituals. i hope some day to rise to power through the mastering of my religion, and teach the world the true way of suffering."
"If i could choose one place in the world to spend the rest of my life, it woudl be hell, cuz i think that is where i woudl have the people the most in common with me. I love anything to do with evil, pain, suffering and horror, and satin my homeboy. For the past few years i have been dabbling around in a few satanic religions and to me wicca has struck a chord in me, and i totally given my life over to the practicing of these rituals. i hope some day to rise to power through the mastering of my religion, and teach the world the true way of suffering."
Monday, July 21, 2008
MacA-gay
Irvine :)
I miss it here. Every time I come back to Menifee, I leave a little part of me behind. I miss the weather, the people, the good times, the school, and almost everything else. What I do NOT miss, however, are the parking tickets! The $52 ones. That is something I would definitely like to leave behind when go back home.
Other than that incident, I had a great time. I think I forget how amazing everything is. And it's not because I go out and do these crazy fun things. To an outsider looking in, it might seem like we do nothing here, but that's the beauty of it all; I can have fun sitting on a friends couch watching a movie, or just talking until 2 am, or even going on a grocery shopping extravaganza. It's randomly deciding to go play basketball when it's pitch black outside. It's Laura finding certain things in the trash and deciding to take them :) It's hearing about Kevin's new computer and having no idea what he's talking about, but being slightly impressed because of his 24 inch monitor. It's having Adam's coffee and remembering how much I suck at making coffee. It's all these things that make me wish I was here for the summer. But instead, I am minutes away from leaving, and most likely getting stuck in traffic, to go back to Subway :(
I love Menifee, just the same. And I don't dislike being there. There are some pretty crazy times too. But nothing compares to waking up, making your own breakfast, and deciding what you want to do today, no obligations, no parents, no worries (except for gas)
Well, at least I'll only be away for 2 days. Wednesday=OC Fair. And I hope to see everyone there!
I miss it here. Every time I come back to Menifee, I leave a little part of me behind. I miss the weather, the people, the good times, the school, and almost everything else. What I do NOT miss, however, are the parking tickets! The $52 ones. That is something I would definitely like to leave behind when go back home.
Other than that incident, I had a great time. I think I forget how amazing everything is. And it's not because I go out and do these crazy fun things. To an outsider looking in, it might seem like we do nothing here, but that's the beauty of it all; I can have fun sitting on a friends couch watching a movie, or just talking until 2 am, or even going on a grocery shopping extravaganza. It's randomly deciding to go play basketball when it's pitch black outside. It's Laura finding certain things in the trash and deciding to take them :) It's hearing about Kevin's new computer and having no idea what he's talking about, but being slightly impressed because of his 24 inch monitor. It's having Adam's coffee and remembering how much I suck at making coffee. It's all these things that make me wish I was here for the summer. But instead, I am minutes away from leaving, and most likely getting stuck in traffic, to go back to Subway :(
I love Menifee, just the same. And I don't dislike being there. There are some pretty crazy times too. But nothing compares to waking up, making your own breakfast, and deciding what you want to do today, no obligations, no parents, no worries (except for gas)
Well, at least I'll only be away for 2 days. Wednesday=OC Fair. And I hope to see everyone there!
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Insomnia : /
When was the last time you talked to your best friend?
Earlier today via aim
Have you ever been grounded? What for?
I don't think so, but it was probably for staying out too late
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold, you can always put on more, but you can only take off so much
Ever passed out?
Nada one
Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Nope
What were you doing at 12 am?
TV and boredom
What is the last reason you cried?
Lies
Where is your cell phone?
On the floor
Who are you texting?
No one
Where did you sleep last night?
Bed/couch
Do you secretly like anyone?
Nada one
Have you done anything you regret in 2008 so far?
Fursurance
Did you have a dream last night?
Yeah, but it was so looong ago
Who was the first person you talked to today? Male or female?
Brother. I was his chauffeur
Has anyone disappointed you recently?
There was a time
Where is your father right now?
At a house
Are you a forgiving person?
Why yes
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Haha. Yeah.
Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Meh, there are times
Do you fall for people easily?
NOT desparate. No
What are you doing this weekend?
Heading to Castle Park
How has this past week been for you?
Not too good
What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
Lovely lovely phone calls
Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Not really
Did you date someone longer then 3 months this year?
Nope
What can always put you in a good mood?
Music and Friends
Is there anyone you wish you were with right now?
Uuugh. I wish I was sleeping
Do you have any piercings?
For sure
How many kids do you want to have?
Whatever God wants
What color are your eyes?
Brown
What are you doing tomorrow?
Castle Park!!
Do you know someone who likes you?
Oh love
Are you easy to get along with?
You know it
Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?
When necessary
Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
Grudges only hurt yourself
What time did you go to sleep last night?
2ish
Last thing someone said to you that pissed you off?
Too too funny
Do you talk a lot?
Bahaha yes
What was the last movie you watched?
Scary Movie 4. Ashamed to the max
What are you craving right now?
Sleeeeep
Favorite drink?
Coffee
Does the person you like know that you like them?
Pass
Whats the reason that you and ex broke up?
Life
Last time you talked to your mom?
Before bed
How is your hair?
Boring
Last time you had a sleep over? Where and with who?
A week or so ago, with my lover friend
Last time you went to church?
Last week
How is your life?
Funnn
Listening to?
OTH :)
Do you remember your dreams?
9/10
Do you consider yourself a study freak?
I was, then I wasn't
Do you speak another language other than English?
No hablo espanol, pero comprendo mucho
What did you do last night?
Boooorrred and sleep
Orange or apple juice?
Apple ftw
Do you plan on getting married anytime soon?
No
Earlier today via aim
Have you ever been grounded? What for?
I don't think so, but it was probably for staying out too late
Do you prefer warm or cold weather?
Cold, you can always put on more, but you can only take off so much
Ever passed out?
Nada one
Is there someone on your mind that shouldn't be?
Nope
What were you doing at 12 am?
TV and boredom
What is the last reason you cried?
Lies
Where is your cell phone?
On the floor
Who are you texting?
No one
Where did you sleep last night?
Bed/couch
Do you secretly like anyone?
Nada one
Have you done anything you regret in 2008 so far?
Fursurance
Did you have a dream last night?
Yeah, but it was so looong ago
Who was the first person you talked to today? Male or female?
Brother. I was his chauffeur
Has anyone disappointed you recently?
There was a time
Where is your father right now?
At a house
Are you a forgiving person?
Why yes
Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
Haha. Yeah.
Does it take a lot to make you cry?
Meh, there are times
Do you fall for people easily?
NOT desparate. No
What are you doing this weekend?
Heading to Castle Park
How has this past week been for you?
Not too good
What's the most interesting thing that happened to you today?
Lovely lovely phone calls
Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing?
Not really
Did you date someone longer then 3 months this year?
Nope
What can always put you in a good mood?
Music and Friends
Is there anyone you wish you were with right now?
Uuugh. I wish I was sleeping
Do you have any piercings?
For sure
How many kids do you want to have?
Whatever God wants
What color are your eyes?
Brown
What are you doing tomorrow?
Castle Park!!
Do you know someone who likes you?
Oh love
Are you easy to get along with?
You know it
Have you ever changed your clothes in a vehicle?
When necessary
Have you ever been nice to someone who treated you like crap?
Grudges only hurt yourself
What time did you go to sleep last night?
2ish
Last thing someone said to you that pissed you off?
Too too funny
Do you talk a lot?
Bahaha yes
What was the last movie you watched?
Scary Movie 4. Ashamed to the max
What are you craving right now?
Sleeeeep
Favorite drink?
Coffee
Does the person you like know that you like them?
Pass
Whats the reason that you and ex broke up?
Life
Last time you talked to your mom?
Before bed
How is your hair?
Boring
Last time you had a sleep over? Where and with who?
A week or so ago, with my lover friend
Last time you went to church?
Last week
How is your life?
Funnn
Listening to?
OTH :)
Do you remember your dreams?
9/10
Do you consider yourself a study freak?
I was, then I wasn't
Do you speak another language other than English?
No hablo espanol, pero comprendo mucho
What did you do last night?
Boooorrred and sleep
Orange or apple juice?
Apple ftw
Do you plan on getting married anytime soon?
No
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Friday, June 20, 2008
So much love
I am officially employed, again, at my least favorite establishment nonetheless. At least it pays. My first night back I was fortunate enough to be able to rid Subway of 2 cockroaches. You're welcome. I also left with the familiar aroma sticking to every part of my body. And to top it all off, I have the pleasure of working 20 hours this week.
I've started working on my summer list. Reading is well under way. I love how in school I can barely read 15 pages without falling asleep. But today, I managed 300 pages. I started skimming over some Java. That is going to be fun. And working is bringing me one step closer to buying a Wii.
The original reason for this post; Grades are up!
2 A's, 1 B and a C. Not too bad. A little further off then what I had anticipated, but a 3.2 is acceptable.
-Kevin, I want to know what you got in Crim!!
I'm starting to "train" for my 15 mile run tonight. I'll keep you updated on how that's going. I'm thinking I might shorten it to 10. We will see how I feel after a week or so.
What did everyone get on grades?????
I've started working on my summer list. Reading is well under way. I love how in school I can barely read 15 pages without falling asleep. But today, I managed 300 pages. I started skimming over some Java. That is going to be fun. And working is bringing me one step closer to buying a Wii.
The original reason for this post; Grades are up!
2 A's, 1 B and a C. Not too bad. A little further off then what I had anticipated, but a 3.2 is acceptable.
-Kevin, I want to know what you got in Crim!!
I'm starting to "train" for my 15 mile run tonight. I'll keep you updated on how that's going. I'm thinking I might shorten it to 10. We will see how I feel after a week or so.
What did everyone get on grades?????
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Summer
Today marks my first official day of summer. I am free. No school, no obligations. 4 months of nothing.
Actually, if I'm being more accurate, I have so many things that I need to do and so many that I want to do. I have to pleasure of going to jury duty Monday (yeah) followed by the not so pleasant task of finding a job, or 3. But in between all of the working, traveling, hanging out and catching up, I have complied together a list of things that I want to do before September 25th.
Summer To Do List
Learn how to play the guitar
Type faster
Learn Java
Watch the entire 24 Series
Learn some more sign language
Play basketball better
Brush up on my Spanish
Organize my itunes
Run for 15 miles
Teach my friends how to play Kajabe Can Can (and own them)
Go to the beach at least 3 times
Have a crazy road trip
Finish my movie list
Download download download!!!
Buy a Wii (and get really good at Mario Kart and Brawl)
Read a heck of a lot
Enjoy every minute
Sounds doable!
Let me know what you want to do this summer.
Oh. And Upland, not that exciting. But my brother's band was pretty awesome. And the car ride was enjoyable.
Actually, if I'm being more accurate, I have so many things that I need to do and so many that I want to do. I have to pleasure of going to jury duty Monday (yeah) followed by the not so pleasant task of finding a job, or 3. But in between all of the working, traveling, hanging out and catching up, I have complied together a list of things that I want to do before September 25th.
Summer To Do List
Learn how to play the guitar
Type faster
Learn Java
Watch the entire 24 Series
Learn some more sign language
Play basketball better
Brush up on my Spanish
Organize my itunes
Run for 15 miles
Teach my friends how to play Kajabe Can Can (and own them)
Go to the beach at least 3 times
Have a crazy road trip
Finish my movie list
Download download download!!!
Buy a Wii (and get really good at Mario Kart and Brawl)
Read a heck of a lot
Enjoy every minute
Sounds doable!
Let me know what you want to do this summer.
Oh. And Upland, not that exciting. But my brother's band was pretty awesome. And the car ride was enjoyable.
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