Phobias

A week or so before the end of the quarter, my psychology class started talking about phobias. A phobia is a persistent, irrational fear of a specific object, activity, or situation that leads to a compelling desire to avoid it. This got me thinking. There are so many people out there with the weirdest phobias. There is a woman who is afraid of pickles. Another afraid of cotton balls. These are completely irrational. I'm almost positive that besides choking, a pickle can't hurt you. But then I started thinking about my own phobias. I am scared to death of dentists. But why?

I did some research and found that I'm not alone. 30-40 million people are so afraid of dentists that they refuse to even go, leading them down the path of gum disease and other hygienic problems. I've always gone to the dentist, but certainly not by my own choice. I remember when the fear started. I was 7 years old, and my 3 year old brother had to get a root canal. I just remember sitting in the waiting room listening to him scream because the idiot dentist decided that he should try to "pop" this lump of puss in his gum. And I've hated going ever since.

I started listing the things that happen when I go to the dentist. The morning of, I start to dread going, and on the car ride over there, my heart starts to beat a little faster than normal. When I'm in the waiting room, I try to not think about what's going to happen to me, so I close my eyes and even rock back and forth. When I'm sitting in the chair, my heart is thumping in my chest, I'm sweating, I'm holding my hands so tightly together that they turn white. Even though I try really hard, my entire body shakes uncontrollably. I get nauseous and sometimes feel like I'm going to pass out. When I was younger, I used to cry every time. And that's just when I go to the dentist. When people start talking about the dentist, I can't listen. I can't watch anything to do with the dentist. I get physically sick thinking about it. I have to leave the room. Even right now, my heart is beating faster and my palms are sweating.

I tell people about my fear, usually when it becomes a problem. If someone's talking about the dentist, I mention that I'm afraid. I think people sometimes think it's this big joke, or that I'm not really as afraid as I say I am. And it's the worse when they don't take me seriously. Because then they "taunt" me with it. They start talking about it on purpose. And even though I try not to let it bother me, my body starts freaking out. Heavy breathing, sweating, accelerated heart rate, and nausea. I've tried to overcome this fear, and for the most part, I've made progress. I haven't cried in over 3 years, which I think is might impressive. But I still cringe every time I go.

I think more than anything , I'm afraid that someday when I have kids and they have to go to the dentist, I won;t be able to be there for them because I'm too afraid. And I wouldn't be able to live with myself.